Becoming the Version of Me That Feels True

In the quiet space of healing, we meet the truest parts of ourselves — not by going back, but by becoming.

I’m Not Going Back — I’m Moving Forward

Somewhere in the middle of my healing timeline, I realized something that changed everything:

I don’t want to “go back.”

Not to my old body.

Not to my old habits.

Not even to the old version of me that kept trying to disappear.

Recovery wasn’t about reclaiming what was — it was about discovering who I was always meant to become.

The Body I Live in Now Feels Like Mine

The shifts began in quiet, ordinary moments.

Trying on a shirt that used to feel too tight — and realizing it fits.

Ordering a bra online — and it arrives, and it fits, and it’s comfortable.

Looking in the mirror and seeing someone I recognize — maybe for the first time.

After breast reduction, my body looked different. But more than that, it felt free. Not just lighter — but mine.

“Healing doesn’t always bring you back to yourself. Sometimes, it brings you forward into someone beautifully different.”

There was joy in that.

There was grief too — for how long it took to get here.

For the years spent in a body that felt like it didn’t belong to me.

When the Mind Lags Behind the Body

Even now, I still find myself reaching for larger sizes.

Still second-guessing whether something will fit.

Still hesitating, as if my body hasn’t already changed.

That’s a quiet form of body dysmorphia.

Not loud or dramatic — but present. Lingering.

It takes time for the mind to catch up with transformation.

And that’s okay.

There’s tenderness in the waiting.

“We can feel both confident and vulnerable — proud of our progress and still catching up.”

Food Is Medicine, Not Punishment

In the early days of post-op surgery, I let go of old food fears.

No more counting calories.

No more chasing smaller.

Just real nutritional healing.

I leaned into a simple, inflammation-reducing rhythm: keto-inspired, carnivore-friendly meals full of healthy fats and clean proteins. The results? Fewer complications. Faster healing. More energy. No bloating or blood sugar crashes.

“This is not the time to restrict — it’s the time to nourish.”

My body needed fuel.

And I gave it what it was asking for — not with guilt, but with trust.

Reclaiming Touch and Trust

The physical healing was happening — but emotionally? I wasn’t fully home yet.

Some days, applying scar cream made me feel disconnected.

Like I was working on someone else’s body.

Not because of pain — but because of the unfamiliarity.

That’s a layer of recovery we don’t talk about enough.

It’s not just about movement or scars. It’s about relearning how to feel — how to be present in your skin. And yes, sometimes that means touching yourself gently and saying: “This is safe. This is mine.”

You’re Allowed to Love the New You

Healing doesn’t follow a calendar.

It doesn’t check boxes or meet deadlines.

It unfolds at its own pace — and sometimes, it brings you face-to-face with a version of yourself you never expected… but deeply needed.

You’re allowed to feel beautiful.

You’re allowed to let it be easy.

You’re allowed to take up space — physically, emotionally, and energetically.

“You don’t owe anyone your old patterns, your old body, or your old way of shrinking.”

If you’re in the messy middle — in the body shifts, the food shifts, the identity shifts — I’m with you.

Let This Be the Chapter Where You Don’t Go Back

Let this be the moment where you stop apologizing for your joy.

Where you feed your body without fear.

Where you feel what you feel — even the good stuff — and let it land.

This journey isn’t about bouncing back.

It’s about becoming.

With love and presence,

Shelley 💛